Forgive and Forget
by Blue Midget
Summary: Takes place during and after Series III's 'Marooned'. Rimmer reflects on his feelings for Lister and wishes they could start over. But how does Lister feel towards him? This is a crap summary, I know, but this is my first fic so be nice!
1. Chapter 1

The icy storm raged outside. Strong, malicious winds howled and avalanches of snow thundered and crashed on top of Starbug. Rimmer sat grumpily in one corner, his eyes firmly fixed on Lister who was sat opposite him, teeth chattering and buried deep beneath his winter coat.

They had been marooned on an uninhabitable artic wasteland of a planet for three days. And there was no sign of rescue, they hadn't even been able to establish radio contact with Red Dwarf. Perhaps Holly hadn't been able to manoeuvre the gigantic mining ship through the minefield of black holes after all. Even so, what was taking Cat and Kryten so long?

"**Sounds like it's easing off,**" Rimmer said optimistically, breaking the heavy silence between them. Lister glanced up at him, scowling.

"**Yeah, sure Rimmer. Easy for you to say, you're not the one facing almost certain, inevitable death, I am.**"Lister replied shakily. Rimmer shook his head patronisingly.

"**Aah yes, but Listy, you're forgetting something. I'm already dead.**" Rimmer's expression turned as icy as the planetscape outside the 'Bug. But his heart skipped a beat as he remembered his death, how he had selfishly and so stupidly sacrificed his life and the lives of the rest of Red Dwarf's crew, in depression of the loss of the only person he had truly loved in his entire, miserable, existence.

_Flashback_

Rimmer sat on his bunk, idly flicking through one of Lister's old discarded magazines. It was one about Zero-Gee football, Lister's favourite sport- or so he said, and Rimmer was engrossed in an article about Jim Bexley Speed, captain of the London Jets, the team Lister supported.

Rimmer recalled Lister drunkenly telling him one weekday night how he was going to name his first two sons Jim and Bexley, after his soccer hero. A small smile twitched at the corner of Rimmer's mouth, and his eyes glazed over. He always went like this whenever he thought of Lister, and his funny little ways he found so cute, so endearing, so...attractive.

Rimmer just wanted to tell Lister he loved him.

But whenever they were alone together, Rimmer's nerves always went into overdrive, causing him to either scathingly insult or be spitefully sarcastic towards the unsuspecting object of his affections.

Rimmer sighed and heaved himself out of bed, it was entirely his fault that Lister despised him, maybe even hated him. His fault. As he pulled on his grey overalls he winced, his face a mixture of self inflicted pain and anguish, he knew there was next to zero chance of him ever being with Lister. He had a better chance at actually passing the engineer's exam.

After straightening out his creased sleeves and tieing his boot laces, Rimmer faced the mirror and did his special salute, bracing himself for another day in the company of Dave Lister and unclogging chicken soup nozzles.

_Okay most of this sucks but I promise it WILL get a bit more exciting!_


	2. Chapter 2

Note: This chapter only makes sense if you imagine that Rimmer didn't faint during his engineer's exam during _The End._

"**Save page sixty-one." **Rimmer said. He got up and leaned over the other man's shoulder as Lister frantically flicked through the copy of _Lolita_.

"**That bit**." Rimmer pointed halfway down the page to the really dirty part.

"**That's digusting.**" Lister replied, but he tore the page out anyway and stuffed in his jacket, whilst he tipped the rest of the book in the fire. That would keep it going for at least another ten minutes.

Meanwhile Rimmer had walked away, his face expressionless. But his insides had been whipped into turmoil, this was their fourth day now on the ice planet, prospects of any rescue were bleaker than ever. Rimmer turned round and watched from a distance as Lister rubbed his hands together and shuffled closer to the fire, desperately trying to lap up every last bit of warmth. His life depended on it.

Tears began leak out from underneath the hologram's eyelids, their situation was hopeless. There were only a couple more books left to burn, and unless they found another source of fuel, Lister would die. Rimmer didn't know if he could take it if he had to watch the man he loved slowly, freeze to certain death. He had already almost lost him once.

Rimmer couldn't lose him again.

_Flashback_

Rimmer tentatively opened the white envelope and pulled out the red slip of paper it contained. "**We are most sorry to inform you,**" he began to read aloud, "**that you have once again failed the engineer's exam.**"With a burst of anger he crumpled the paper up into a ball and hurled it across the room.

"**For smeg's sake! What do they mean 'once again'? Stupid, jumped up, little...**"Rimmer ranted, but was brought to an abrupt stop as Lister entered their quarters, his face sullen and distant.

"**What's wrong Listy? You look like a constipated chimp,**" Rimmer asked snidely, though cursing himself silently in his head. _Why do I always do that? Be mean and put him down, when I just want to tell him I care?_

"**I'm being sent into stasis for the rest of the trip, eighteen months,**" Lister replied doefully, as he opened his locker and searched thorugh his possessions for his Hawaiian shirt. "**It's the only way they won't cut up Frankenstein. It sucks though, you know, 'coz it's eighteen months pay down the drain. Still, I'll get to Fiji one day.**" He didn't notice Rimmer staring at him quizzically.

"**But...Lister, you can't just leave me to do Z-Shift alone...you selfish goit!**" Rimmer spluttered, nostrils flaring. Eighteen months without Lister? What was he going to do...life wouldn't be worth living any more. He would rather die.

Lister turned and stared at his bunkmate, suddenly smiling. "**In a way I'm glad Captain Hollister's punished me with stasis, I don't have to continue putting up with your ugly mush for the next year and a half! Smeghead.**"

That hurt Rimmer. But Lister didn't want to hang around, he swept off his hat in a mock bow to Rimmer and sauntered out of the room. "**Seeya Rimmer,**" he yelled back down the corridor and then he was gone.

Rimmer sank down onto the floor pathetically, sobbing. He didn't know what to do with himself now, his heart was broken and he would probably never see Lister again, ever.

Little did he know how wrong he was...it was only the last time he would ever see Lister whilst he was **alive**.

_I like this chapter much better...I think. :)_


End file.
